Remember this: Wait for it and milk it.
I decided I would visit the first person on my Cologne Bandit list. I didn't have to go far. I pulled up in the yard. When the guy came out, I pointed to the steps, told him to take a seat, and that I had business with him. The wife was on her way out the door to work.
He sat down. I asked him, "Do you rent or own the land behind my deer stand?" He told me, he owned it.
I said, "Yesterday, I heard an ATV down there." He seemed annoyed and said, "I was down there and heard a lawnmower."
Of course, I was on the golf cart initially and he didn't know I was there. I timed him an hour or so before the sound of the lawnmower. He kinda told on himself.
I could now place him in the area, yet I had not relayed the cologne smell. I looked him in the eye, with as much mischief as I could muster and said, "Wow, we were cutting the grass down at the pond. I drove into some cologne. It went right in my mouth. Did you smell anything like that?"
My inner demon was belly-rolling with laughter. Of course, this doesn't explain the Cigarette Smoking Man.
He lowered his eyes and stared at me under his ridges. I told him I thought someone was back in the woods. To be fair to his daughter, who sunbathes in the yard, I wanted to let him know, he might have a pervert spying on his house. He didn't seemed bothered by this and then tried to shift the blame off onto the surrounding neighbors. I relayed further information. The pressure was on.
I relayed one of his relatives said to me, "You have a secret admirer in the woods."
I did say to him, I couldn't tell him what to do on his property. He couldn't tell me what to do on the one I was haunting. I wanted to help him pass on my concerns to his little group on that corner road, who lives with the idea I am unaware of their doings.
I also gave him a way out by diverting the questions off to something else. I told him I didn't feel like I should have to worry that someone is menacing me in my area. I did say that it could be someone else just to be fair but he was in the area at the time. He did tell me there were other people that rented property that abutted his. I told him these things only happened during deer season.
I felt I should warn whoever it was in advance that walking in the treeline on property they are trespassing on could get them seriously hurt or worse. It is bad enough I could be walking on my father's property and someone shoot over in his area; wounding or killing me.
I was just taking precautions. There are times in life when you have to let people know you are not the idiot child of the stick people tribe.
He finally dodged me and walked to the door proclaiming, "Let's go get some supper."
I backed out the yard and drove away; with a plan. The only thing playing in my mind was Mikey and Mouth, from Goonies, yelling at Data, "Slick shoes? Are you crazy?"
Written by: W Harley Bloodworth
~Courtesy of the AOFH~
