Remember
this: If a buck was a man going into a bar to pick up a woman, you can be
certain he will not stay if there are no women to be had; especially during
breeding season, twiddling his horns in the wood. This is a tale of
dishonorable men.
What you are about to read is a real but terrible situation.
The
following story is a working example of how men do not want a female hunting especially
if there is a buck lurking on the fringes. Hyper vigilant hunters can rob a mother
from putting food on the table because after all it’s a competition. Right?
I will admit
now that my hunting life when men are involved is a wretched nightmare. I beg the question: Is blood really thicker than water?
I recently
took a walk and was stopped on a road by a registered sex offender that lives
in the area. Nameless man inquired if I was still hunting in the same area. His
next question as he looked away from my face down the road with a laugh was, “Or
have you quit?”
Being
suspicious that this wasn’t your average questionnaire by a jailbird I looked
at him repugnantly but then decided to see where this interrogation leads. I
told him I was not because I was having problems utilizing my arms. As far as
my handicap, I was not able to hold up things which made me suspect I had
injured my neck or had tennis elbow in both arms. I wasn’t sure so I went to a
neurologist. Back to the Nameless Man.
The thought
also crossed my mind that he might be trying to gauge my whereabouts for
nefarious reasons. His relatives have been known to trespass with a four
wheeler and steal bagged corn on a lie. Nameless
man spoke an informed me there was a mystery person living behind the hunting
area that would shoot anything walking even the babies. This bird was singing
if you get my drift. I told him I wondered about this because of the dead deer
that where lying around. I guess he thought I was wantonly shooting them but I
told him no I had an alibi. Not that the information stream couldn’t get worse
but Nameless man informs me that I have a secret admirer hiding out in the
woods near my deer stand. He never divulged who this culprit was. I said to
Nameless man, “He’s not going to have much to admire.” Nameless man could have
been joking but that would explain the Cigarette Smoking Apparition I have seen
on two occasions.
Mind you
there is another drama playing itself out parallel to this with another man aka
the Doe Killer, who is squatting the stand I was using. This is the man that
likes to kill deer and pretend they are women but he is an awful shade tree
mechanic that will tear up as much or more than he fixes. My dad offered it to
him in lieu of friendship so now I am insulted not once but twice by three
different people; my father included. This is the second year my father has put
a man right on top of me to hunt without warning me or scheduling times so people
do not get shot, injured, or insulted. I feel like I am being set up for a fight
with a grown man. Who does that? My father always tried to treat me like a boy
when it was convenient.
Not that
this sordid story could get any worse as I thought of the Bachmann debacle but Nameless man also informed me that there
was two other men in stands across the woods. I have no problem with this
because they have that right but one of them has a long standing hate for me
circa one of my high school girlfriends because he thinks I kept them apart when
the girl lied to him and placed the blame on me. He has carried this grudge. He
doesn’t know this yet of all the places he is in the woods near where I am. It
could be coincidence so I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Doubt being the key
word here.
Someone
else was driving by my house and looking to see where I park my vehicle. The
men were doing the same thing when I was at my father’s working on my chicken
pen. Unknown neighbor pulled the chainsaws out about time to stand-up. If they thought I was in the woods these persons
would go out and crank the red tractor then do doughnuts a stone’s throw under
the stand where I was hunting. I have seen them do it. It was like the small
area was converged with men all trying to shoot the same animal. With all the activity
they had chased the doe up to the main road without realizing it. If I were a
deer in those woods I would have fostered a form of Post-Traumatic Stress
Syndrome. The hyper vigilance alone wore the deer down and ran then off. It was
also grating on my last raw nerve.
I golf
carted the woods one evening and realized that there was a deep sense of abandonment.
As a cohesive living thing the internal feeling made me angry and sad
simultaneously. I could feel that the herd was either all dead or gone. These
feeling were compounded by the sight every evening of buzzards flying over the
place. It really made me sick and disappointed that people could act in such a
dishonorable way.
One evening
I crawled up in the deer stand and there was a snake staring me in my face. I
removed it and then sat in the stand. The Great Cosmos sends you messages
sometimes and the only thing I could think was there were snakes in the Garden
of Eden. That is what popped in my mind. I then thought of the old hoodoo superstition
that when you have a snake cross your path you have someone that is trying to
do you harm in secret. I finally sat in that stand and came to the realization
the culprit was none other than my own father.
This is a
short conversation between a female, the Doe Killer, and male 2.
Doe Killer:
I have shot four doe at my house.
Female: Good for
you. I haven’t shot any. I haven’t seen
anything but little doe. (I guess killing everything over there made male 2's place right pickings for him because greed and spite will do that to you.)
Male 2 and
Doe Killer: Just shoot them.
Female: How can
I shoot a deer if they have all been mowed down by you two and there is nothing
left?
Doe Killer:
I shot one off your stand.
Female: That is
not my stand.
Doe Killer
to male 2: That isn’t her stand? (Realizes this asshole was doing it to
spite me).
Male 2:
Stares blankly at TV. (Knows he helped put this asshole up to spiting me.)
Female: If you
killed something back there what did you do with the meat?
Male 2: I
gave it to Doe Killer. He gave it to someone else.
Female: So you
mean to tell me you two have killed all the deer off. I have a child to feed
and you begrudge me just one. How am I supposed to feed my child? I know you
(father) said you’d rather go out and buy steak but I don’t have that
money lying around. It must be nice to do that. You’re willing to starve your daughter
and grandchild?
~Sound of
crickets~
Female: Male 2, if
you two were going to a bar would you want to stay if it were only men?
Male 2 and
Doe Killer: *Laughing* No.
Female: Why do
you think a buck would stay if you shoot off all the doe? The rut starts this
month.
Doe Killer
and Male 2 were discussing building a stand with a heater but Doe Killer
said, “Why would you do that because she’s just going to go get in it?” I took
this as an affront because I shouldn’t have to ask to get in any stand onMale 2's property or begrudged using it. Yet here this stranger was inciting
thoughts against me in Male 2's own house. Who does that? I was totally
disgusted and felt it was highly disrespectful to me and Male 2. I felt he
was thinking he was entitled. For that behavior I don’t know a man worth his
salt that would let some person like that throw his weight around without
checking him out at the door or the floor. He’d be the kind to try to steal
your wife, your life, and then laugh at you.
I got up and
walked outside. A few minutes later Doe Killer followed me but I cranked the
truck and left. I was finished with that business. He had already sealed his
fate with me as far as I was concerned.
I realized
after this conversation how all my suspicions became a truth. A truth I couldn’t deny anymore…….
My dad saw
two buck walking over the place in September. I think this was when the evil
bug of cut throating entered his heart. He coveted the bucks. You could argue
that at this moment killing a buck became more important than the treatment of
his offspring. I was a second rate citizen. Hunting is a cold mother fucker
when you are faced with that reality. That doesn’t mean bucks will stay because
a lot of them are transient deer. He wanted that deer for himself. Instead of
saying something to me, he just dumped some dumb gook in my area to get the
blame for messing up my hunting.
I also felt
like they were trying to incite me to start some kind of deer killing war where
the deer or meat didn’t matter only the argument; reminded me of the Hatfield
and McCoys except my father was batting for the other team. I was feeling
totally blackballed and betrayed all at the same time. I thought of all the
online hunting propaganda about family and felt a deep sense of disillusion. Bad
things rolled in my mind like thunderheads but I just got up and walked away to
think about it. It was causing me too much stress and my health was suffering
for it. This was an adversity I didn’t want to be faced with but there it was;
right in my kisser.
Did I really
want to go find the buck to shoot it out from under them because they were
dishonorable men? What would that make me? Did that render the buck truly
valueless? Did I want to continue this
mode of behavior and situations that could cause me to ultimately get hurt
because of stupidity? What was I truly fighting for? Hunting? A place? Food?
Myself? Did nothing else matter but
killing a creature for the wrong reasons?
Yes, this screamed “for all the wrong reasons”.
I was in
crisis.
I went to
the neurologist the next day and my blood pressure was 176 over something. I
walked through the doctor’s office like a dazed zombie. I realized I was as
stress as the deer in the woods because not only were the men antagonizing
relentlessly these deer but they were doing the same thing to me in a mean despicable
way. I had a serious come to God meeting on my hunting as far as my father’s landscape
and the impending tests required the following month along with mind altering
meds that would make it dangerous for me and others.
What could I
do? I had to put my gun down. Oh the horror! This is not what you wish to face
in the middle of a hunting season but there it was. There would be nothing to
eat.
I reviewed
the facts and it looked grim. The worse thing that bugged me was my father’s
behavior. I knew I had to come to some resolution for my own sake. This is what
I did. I went to my father’s house and told him I didn’t deserve someone
talking to me in such a manner or be treated like a valueless dispensable piece
of toilet paper. I told him I wasn’t going to hunt there for the rest of the
season which ends in a month. I voiced my opinion and stood up for my own self.
As for the
health issue I didn’t want to be stupid and dangerous. I knew I would be Rx
prescription meds to ease my pain but alter my ability to react in a normal way
to things. That would not be safe for me getting in and out of a stand, aiming
a gun, or focusing on a target. After all I don’t desire to harm anyone. Yet
there were some thoughts that crossed my mind that I wish to share with readers
because I am sure I am not the only one that ever went through such a thing.
You’ll meet
people that will call themselves friend but when they try to take advantage of
you and insult your family when that is all you have left; it’s time for that
so called friend to go. People that come into your life to cause strife are
just there for the shits and giggles of troublemaking.
There was
also another thought that came with this story. How the undercurrent of
learning to live with the acceptance of deception to stay in good standing with
people that otherwise you wouldn’t care for because they provide some kind of benefit.
I wondered on my capacity to live an honest life in the face of other peoples
domineering behavior and misdeeds. This is the same kind of ideal that drives
abusive relationships where someone gets beat up, keeps quiet not to make the
situation worse but it never stops the bullying.
Blood is
thicker than water but water can cut through the mountains. Relatives will let
you down, cut your throat, or attempt to drag you down to their level. Don’t
go. Be the better person and your own man so to speak even if it causes more of
a dissension. At least the offending relative will learn not to pressure you
with a bad behavior you don’t need to pick up. It’s your life and you have to live
with yourself and your deeds. After another person has ruined you they get to
walk away and be Mr. So and So. There will also come a time when that same
offending relative will be face down in mud or in a hospital bed and that good
old friend getting the freebies will not be there standing over the bed holding
their hand or showing concern. Those rat bastards will be over in their house
pretending no to know you.
There is a
big difference in giving something up temporarily. If you are unwell; stop,
drop and roll. Don’t make your problem worse by getting some crazy idea in your
head that you are going to do it anyway. You are not gifted with psychic powers
and you can’t see future outcomes. Wait things out and take care of yourself.
No one is asking you to be a self-sacrificing Moses while putting yourself on
the altar to take the shank. The goal is to live another day.
Reflect on
this story for there are more things within it. I was reading in my notes about
the Law of Self Knowledge that lingers on the topic of Evil for Evil’s Sake
where it is difficult to do harm to others when you understand fully what that
kind of harm would do to you. Know Thyself. If I would have done anything in
retaliation that would have fueled a terrible back and forth chain of event not
worth the effort. I choose not to be that kind of person.
What about
the mysterious cigarette smoking apparition? Or secret woodland admirer?
I was
picking up Catalpa wood logs when I got this weird feeling. I stared across the
field that lead to the horse gate. I could see something in the tree line of the
woods. It was the small orangish glow of light under the oaks. I thought at
first it was my mind but as I walked up my Mustang was moving in the same
direction. The other horses were following. Just as I got to the fence she
bolted in the other direction with the herd behind her. I investigated the next
day but couldn’t find anything.
Someone was
out there.
~Courtesy of
the AOFH~
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